A lot of you claim to be able to make a "great breakfast". I have even heard a certain Juntonian argue he made a "slam dunk" egg sandwich...this is hogwash! I, the Viceroy, have spent countless hours above the stove concocting the most scrumptious of all breakfast treats. For years, yes - literally years, I have perfected the egg sandwich writing down my "dos" and "don'ts".
Reluctantly, I have decided to share my secrets with the minion masses:
- Get a wide pan - something with a lot of surface area
- Turn the heat on "medium" and dump a teaspoon (or so) of butter and a teaspoon of grease on the pan. I keep old dirty grease from prior meals in a tin coffee can in my freezer.
- Take a "Lumpy Dog Light" pint glass out of your cabinet and deposit two "2" eggs into it.
- Grab some milk from the fridge and add a "whisker" of the white stuff atop the eggs. The liquid level should be near the "nose" on the Lumpy Dog. You can also use coffee cream or both (which is what I do). Whatever you do, don't add too much!
- Go to your computer/CD player and play "Beat It" by Michael Jackson and commence beating the egg/milk/cream concoction. Once the instrumental kicks in, you can stop beating the eggs.
- Spread the butter/grease mix around the surface area of the pan so that the entire cooking space is covered in unhealthiness.
- Place your favorite morning bread into the toaster (the Viceroy recommends English Muffins, white bread, 12 grain bread or pumpernickel).
- Pour the egg mix onto the pan. Make sure that the temperature is set somewhere between low and medium. Julia Child claims the best cooked egg is a slow cooked egg...the Viceroy, naturally, agrees.
- Add (optional) pieces of cheese to the mix. If there is any cheese left over, toss them to Montana T. Dog, who obediently waits for his fair share.
- Turn/scramble the egg as soon as it starts to coagulate keeping it nice and wet. Don't let it get too dry/cooked on one side. Keep turning it!
- By now your toast/English should be done. Add butter (optional) and place on a plate.
- Flip your egg for the last time then place a half (or whole) slice of cheese atop your egg.
- Take the pan off the stove and dump the egg on your toast...simply let the cheese melt.
What you have created is a culinary masterpiece. Sprinkle some salt on the sandwich if you prefer or add some bacon (cooked earlier on another pan). I like to then take a frozen glass from the freezer and pour myself a hearty serving of orange juice then pour a fresh cup o' coffee (or start chugging some previously purchased French Vanilla DnD).
Now, take a seat - the egg will still be a little warm, but not too hot. Turn on "Meet The Press" and/or open the Sunday edition of the Washington Post.
Enjoy!
4 comments:
Inpugn at your own peril. My egg sandwich is constructed in keeping with the stringent culinary guidelines of Mere Pulard, the French originator/mother of the omelette, who knew a thing or two about cookin' e's.
I challenge thee to a duel! We shall slay e's on a Sunday morning of your choosing, and Junto members will be invited from far and wide to taste the offerings and pass judgment on our respective sandwiches whilst screaming bloody murder (shall we have Bloody Mary's, too?) at Tim Russert's softballs.
Ground rules: For the Junto Egg Sandwich Throwdown (JEST), each chef will be allowed mini-whisks, seasoned pans, spatulas, pint glasses, ingredients (except eggs), and any utensils of his/her choosing. Kosher and non-kosher offerings must be provided.
Poofany Palace has been offered up (by SNOW) as a suggestion for the JEST. Kosher pans are available there, and this neutral location ensures attendance of at least 4.
Optional fun at the Fairlington swimmin' hole available after SNOW proves KLIM klaim of egg-celence to be pure poppycock!
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